A Quick Hello. And the first review

A New Start. On my placement I have had a bit of time to watch some films for reference and analysis. This has led me to revamp this "blog" into a chance to review these films, and use my analytical brain to write up a few bits and bobs and write up film reviews. I think the rules as follows are:

• I will be blunt. This is film is good. This film was a pile of wank.
• I will review what I watch based on plot, character, and adding in the film analysis of mise-en-scene, editing, continuity and more.
• I will look into the background of films. True stories will have to watch out for factual errors, and remakes or revamps will watch out for differences in story and how rubbish they make the reboot (I'm sorry Total Recall).

So Hello. Welcome. Let's Begin.

Twilight Saga.

The reason I start on Twilight is simply because it should be like a disney film. First things first, Disney gives many little girls false expectations of how to win the heart of prince charming and how he will treat you. Good looks and being a princess is one thing, but the prince is rich too? I suppose that's the Disney code.But Twilight isn't like that in the sense of rich characters, rich being money rich of course.

For starters. It is based on a book. A book written from the point of view of a teenage girl. That's enough to get the attention of nearly every, um, teenage girl. Now the film puts in an actress who is edgy somewhat emotionless actress. In fact I wasn't aware that she was actually in love with this Edward guy until she did her inner monologue stating how much she was in love with upon discovering his vampire state. Now, I should have disclosed spoilers at this point, but I think 4 books and 5 films have pretty much justified what this love story is about.

Rather than punish myself completely I decided to go forth to watch the films. I got halfway through the 3rd one when I was crying blood to make the pain stop. Seeing the 2nd one with the ex and not being able to hear the film because of screaming fans wearing Edward and Jacob masks was not a walk in the park either. It did give me the chance to see the film visually. Yes, there are topless men. No, I was not aroused. No, I am not gay. I just prefer to not watch a story where the main characters hardest choice in life is to choose between Bestiality and Necrophilia. And I'm a True Blood fan. I just can't stand these films.

I also got the hint of a violent relationship somewhere here. The guy makes her fall in love with her. Then to "protect her" dumps her and then leaves her. No contact ever again. What a douche. She then goes through this mode of depression (which was actually followed by a beautiful sequence of rotation while making me dizzy also portrayed the seasons going by as she sat and waited for Edward to return). I think she would have done better with a tub of ice cream than staring out the window watching the leaves fall. She then goes on the rebound with another guy, as you do teen girls TAKE NOTE. But not being able to get over her ex throws herself off a cliff. Logical. If I wanted to see mine again I'd rather see him under the tyre of my car if he had just dumped me for no reason but that's another story. Where was I? Oh the violence. SPOILER. First time is a bit extreme. Yes. But when you are left with bruises and a ripped pillow and broken bed you have to think for a moment is it Vampire super strength or a complete nutcase? Jacob is the same. Get him angry, he will lash out and hurt you. Hmmmm. But yet teen girls swoon over this? Dangerous? Or just completely stupid and promoting love within a possibly volatile relationship, but I suppose it's okay because he's a mother-effing WEREWORLF or VAMPIRE.

Conclusion. Fans ruin this with their obssession. Not as bad as Harry Potter I suppose which has a sense of real threat and end of the wizarding world, but with Twilight Saga I get the sense that this love story is still a false expectation of true love for young girls, with it's supernatural love and angry men and happy ever after at the end. But there is no point trying to convince young girls that what they are watching is some of the worst pieces of cinema possibly ever witnesses and is massively over hyped. Lets just see where the next fad takes us.

My Top Tips to Survive Woking

Yes, a funny one. But i felt like I needed this survival guide for the future generatio. Maybe I'll print this out and leave them scattered in bars, pubs and schools and clubs to see what will happen.

1. Do NOT go clubbing in Woking. Unless it's your first time. Go for one night and then never return, the chavs get let out once a week on "student night" and use it as an excuse to be wasted and start fights and try and have sex with the girl with her bum cheeks hanging out her skirt. If you do go clubbing, highly recommend Schism Rock Club. Or Bed Bar. No one ever goes to Bed... but its cheap drinks and free entry often. Quieter too, perfect for a massive group of mates.
2. At night don't go alone. Chavs and just vile people roam the streets. Have at least one other person with you, engage in conversation whenever outside, and only go alone if inside where security are located.
3. School girls say the stupidest things. yes we were all young once but the stuff they say sounds like a comedy sketch show for our generation. The amount of times I hear a 14 year old dare her friend to ask out some guy she doesn't even know by simply stating "YOLO" is laughable and sad. Whenever school girls are around, eavesdrop. It'll either make you cringe, or die laughing.
4. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS IMPORTANT carry protection. This time it's about condoms. I cannot stress the amount of babies born to my generation within the first year of leaving GCSE. We get free sex ed AND I did child development/childcare. The first part of the exam was "sex and protection". Lets just say a huge number failed that part....
5. And finally, just stay out of Woking. I stay for my friends and family, but we all want to leave. So much.

Been A While

It has been a while. But let me start with saying everyone needs to go to Slovenia. It is amazing. And a European music festival. So much better than any British festival, and that is not because of the cheap alcohol!

The reason for my absence is that I am currently moving to the otherside of the the UK. From London area (uuurgghhhh) to Plymouth! Reason? I am moving there because of:

• Placement Year. As part of my degree I have to do a placement year which counts towards my degree. So I will be working with a small company for the next 30ish weeks doing filming and editing and generally getting some work experience.
• The plus side: going to be living near the boyfriend, as he lives in Plymouth doing his degree down there, and entering into his final year. So this should be fun!
• Its Plymouth. Its far away from London. Ha.

So my blog could consist of what I'm allowed to talk about. That's right, I can't talk about everything. Maybe I will get bored one night like I have right now and will talk about things that "Grind My Gears" in the almighty words of Peter Griffen.

Watch this space!

Tattoos are not evil.

While I do not have tattoos myself, I plan on the possibility of one in future. I am fascinated with them. I think it is an extension of art. The one thing i cannot stand in the media at the moment is the idea going around that once that tattoo is on your skin you are some sort of scum. I was walking down the street and saw a guy covered in tattoos. A woman walking by clung to her purse tightly and narrowly avoided him, in clear sight of the man who simply looked at her really confused. He walked into the charity shop opposite the road. Turned out he owned the shop. The woman stared for ages at the realization of her slightly judgmental action, shrugged it off and continued walking.

I read another damn annoying article. Brenda Song and Trace Cyrus call of engagement. Trace is covered in tattoos, Brenda is not. The comments ranged from "urrrrr gross" to "she had a lucky escape". What do these people think? I get the assumption that they think all people with tattoos are drug addicts in gags who are violent all the time. But they are not. All the people i know with tattoos are pretty much the nicest people I will ever meet in my life. David Beckham is covered in tattoos, yet he is idolized and loved by many women in the world and is a respected man of society, whereas a singer in a band just has to be a drug junky who likes beating people up.

This brings me to my final example. I was in a queue at a shopping centre. I saw a woman walk in covered in tattoos. A mother pulled her child to the side and said, "luckily you have morals. People like them are horrible and nasty. Don't be hanging around with them". The woman heard it clearly (i think the mother wanted to be heard). The woman turned around, pulled about £30 from her pocket and gave it to the kid and said "Parents aren't always right" and walked off.

I pray people stop judging books by their covers soon.

Boys better mates?

I've just spent a fun weekend away playing fun board games and card games and group role playing games while being the only girl in the room. To be completely honest, this is where I'm truly at home, even though some games it may take a while to explain rules to me after a few drinks but nonetheless I got right into the swing of things. Which made me realize that the majority of my best friends are in fact guys. I don't know what it is about girls having guy friends, or vice versa, but most usually come to the conclusion that:

• Guy with loads of girl mates - must be gay
• Girl with loads of guy mates - must be a whore, or a lesbian

I for one do not believe this for one bit. In all truth, I have gone from having loads of girl mates to barely having any, because I simply cannot stand drama. I hate it. My sense of humor is usually matched with guys too. I make gross sex jokes, innuendos, and often take the piss like a guy would to a guy mate. I do have close girl mates but I only really see them at group meet-ups and outings. I used to have the one on one outings, but I think I have lost too many close girl mates to random drama that I have given up. I still barely talk to my best friend over something trivial as making everyone late to an event. The full details are boring and pointless, and a simple "I'm sorry" won't let them get over it, so I'll just let children be children.

Which brings me to my weird thinking moment. If most of my friends are guys, and I get along with guys more than girls, why do I live with only girls? And will possibly be living with only girls next year for university as well? I don't really know how to explain this, as I'm pretty much the guy of the household; My room is a tip, my wardrobe is a tip, I'm lazy as hell, I occupy the living room to play video games, and leave cleaning to the last minute. ALWAYS. But still a girl at heart, I take nearly an hour getting ready for a night out (even for university even!) and usually find myself planning my daily outfits in advance. I suppose I just like the best of both worlds. If only I could grow an awesome beard like my guy friends.

Women: DON'T CRY RAPE.

I love the story of the boy who cried wolf. In the version I love, the boy ends being eaten by the wolf in front of all his friends. Sadistic sounding yes, but I do love the term "Karma is a Bitch".

As the case when women go around, sleeping around behind their boyfriend's or husband's back and at the second of getting caught, cry rape. This is ridiculous, as it's women playing victim to their own selfish actions, and then decide to play the victim. They often play along, with the intention of having sex and then, knowing how easy it is to get a guy arrested for this, cry rape and call the police. Now, luckily for a lot of innocent men, investigations are now carried out to determine these things. I read a story last year about on such incident. A guy who had been friends with a girl for years, had a one night stand after a drunken night at a party. About a year later, he came back to town to find out she had been going around telling everyone he had raped her. Shocked, he tried to go to the police station, only to find that that girl had heard he was going there, and beat him to it. But thanks to police investigations, which included checking into party dates and such as the girl claimed to be under the age of consent as well, he was found not guilty and instead she faced jail. The problem is he now has to deal with people still believing her story, he has lost friends and reputation leads to girls rejecting him. He will have to live with this the rest of his life, worried about whether the next girl he meets will do the same to him. I for one can not think how girls can just so simply throw out a "cry rape" like that.

WHy do some girls do it? Mostly it is due to shame of cheating on a partner, or often it is who they sleep with. But not realizing the consequences shows the stupidity of these women who lie and are caught out. They are pointing the finger at someone who is innocent, and casually just put them in the doghouse for something that comes with a jail term and even their name on the sex offenders register. That is something big to live with for someone who is actually innocent. I'm just glad that not all girls are like this, but it is the few that can make real life rape victims scared about coming forward, in case they do not get justice.

Eden Wood

I hate beauty pageants. Straight up cannot stand them. I'm sorry but winning based on looks? When was the last time women were praised for their brains rather than beauty? But I'm not talking about the women of Miss Universe, oh no. There is a seven year old, called Eden Wood, who is supposed to be some champion of toddler beauty pageants (while writing this I cringe at the thought of judging toddlers and children based on looks) who has just announced her own - hold back the vomit - "reality" television show titled "Eden's World". While this made me cringe and hold myself back from throwing my laptop out the window I contained myself long enough to actually decide to research into this new star of the next generation. Step aside K Kardashian and others.


While reading up on toddlers and tiaras and Eden Wood, I found myself hanging my head in my hands at the looks of these girls. These girls are barely out of nappies and are modeling on stage, being judged on beauty and the ability to pose. All for a goddamn trophy? If I met their mothers, not sure I particularly want to, I would ask why? Why do they feel it's important and appropriate for their daughters to dress up in skimpy outfits, high heels and LAYERS UPON LAYERS of makeup, and when i say layers i mean LAYERS to the point where these CHILDREN literally look like the dolls and barbies they should be carrying. If I had a daughter that looked like that I would be terrified. Not for me, but for my daughter. I did not know what make-up was until I was fourteen, and even then I did not wear it until I was sixteen. Which is why, when i see these children plastered in makeup in revealing outfits, I just wish I could do something to stop it. But they are most likely brain washed by their mothers. The mothers are the worst. Eden's mother has admitted to spending nearly $100,000 on her daughters looks. I mean, wow, my parents saved up about half of that to go on my education. I don't know where the mothers think this good idea comes from, but they will probably regret it in the future. The father of murdered pageant contestant, JonBenet Ramsey, has actually admitted that fifteen years after her murder that he regrets putting her into pageants, saying that Toddlers and Tiaras highlighted an issue of "unwanted attention" for young pampered children. These mothers love to put their children on display, but I'm sure that the second pedophiles start showing up and paying that unwanted attention, they would probably think twice. For now, pageants are on the rise for the young younger generation, and I for one can not wait for them to disappear completely and for kids to start being kids once again.

Lonely Child?

I was bored waiting in the doctor's surgery today when I came across an article where a woman talked about how she was being "bullied" into having a second child, despite being happy with only having one child. Now, being an only child myself, I was shocked to read how people began to call her selfish and a horrible mother for not providing her child with a second sibling. I do not recall having one child as a crime, and I would like to think my mother was wonderful with raising me without siblings running around.

I can see the pros and cons in why families would want to have multiple children:

• Pro - Socialization. Siblings are around someone else who is not an adult. They have someone to play with constantly and live with someone they can relate to.
• Pro - At school I found that older siblings looked out for younger siblings, often when the younger is being bullied. Or teachers often take a liking to the next generation of students they've already taught.
• Pro - Family Values, a boy and girl for the perfect family image? Possibly.
• Con - Money, Money, Money, Money........

I guess this explains my lack of friends and constant bullying at school? And why teachers had problems remembering my name? But also could explain how my parents managed to save up loads of money?

This resulted in me being known as that "spoilt loner brat with no friends" at school. Truth was I had friends, I have loads of friends, my parents have high paying jobs, enough that I know that if i did have a sibling or two we would still be able to afford the house we live in now.

The worst part of this article was where comments made to this woman were along the lines of "what if your child died?" as if to suggest families with one child are at a higher risk of dying or something stupid? I do not understand the insensitivity of some people, but this one took the cake for me. Does this mean people think that to have a second child is in case the first one dies? Like a back-up spare part? If I have kids, I hope to raise them with enough brain cells to not be associated with this kind of thinking. And maybe, because the amount of children people have is just so important to nosy humans these days, just to annoy them, I will just have one kid.

Kids having Kids

Flicking through the wonders of "Facebook" i decided to have a look at what my past class "mates" have been getting up to for the past few years. I'm pretty sure the majority of us spent our childhood playing the "What do you want to be when you grow up game" and I'm pretty sure as a child most of us had very high expectations. It was a shock to me as I scrolled through profile to profile that a majority of my generation were already settling into the family lifestyle, giving birth to the next generation. Now, I'm not going to sit here and judge any parenting skills, for I know a few teen parents who actually manage to do a good job raising their babies. But there are some, a vast majority, that ruin it.

A girl I had known for years just announced via facebook that she was breaking up with the father of her baby. I should note that she is around 4 months pregnant with her second child. Her lengthy status publicly declared how for a long time her and her partner had been having problems leading back to when she had her first child nearly two years ago. This led me to add another tick to the cons section of teen pregnancy. I have yet to find a pro apart from the obviousness that a lot of money is going to be paid by the government to feed babies having babies. Oh joy.

I cannot understand why teens think it is a good idea to have kids so young and unprepared. I often imagine myself in their situations. And I have to stop myself having a mild panic attack at the thought of being poor, possibly not being at university and even losing my partner over the stress of a child. Teenagers have so many stresses and problems, and are still growing up, so why repopulate the Earth when not even mature enough to accept reality and be an adult? I'm going to continue this investigation...