My Top Tips to Survive Woking

Yes, a funny one. But i felt like I needed this survival guide for the future generatio. Maybe I'll print this out and leave them scattered in bars, pubs and schools and clubs to see what will happen.

1. Do NOT go clubbing in Woking. Unless it's your first time. Go for one night and then never return, the chavs get let out once a week on "student night" and use it as an excuse to be wasted and start fights and try and have sex with the girl with her bum cheeks hanging out her skirt. If you do go clubbing, highly recommend Schism Rock Club. Or Bed Bar. No one ever goes to Bed... but its cheap drinks and free entry often. Quieter too, perfect for a massive group of mates.
2. At night don't go alone. Chavs and just vile people roam the streets. Have at least one other person with you, engage in conversation whenever outside, and only go alone if inside where security are located.
3. School girls say the stupidest things. yes we were all young once but the stuff they say sounds like a comedy sketch show for our generation. The amount of times I hear a 14 year old dare her friend to ask out some guy she doesn't even know by simply stating "YOLO" is laughable and sad. Whenever school girls are around, eavesdrop. It'll either make you cringe, or die laughing.
4. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS IMPORTANT carry protection. This time it's about condoms. I cannot stress the amount of babies born to my generation within the first year of leaving GCSE. We get free sex ed AND I did child development/childcare. The first part of the exam was "sex and protection". Lets just say a huge number failed that part....
5. And finally, just stay out of Woking. I stay for my friends and family, but we all want to leave. So much.